What A Long Strange Week It's Been
by LizD
Summary: REPOST from 2003 ... Mac has a rough week and Harm is no help. --- Ending Revised on 3/24/09
1. Friday

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day One

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.

Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9

Written: September 2003FRIDAY - 1930 EST MacKenzie Residence

**Georgetown, VA**

Mac dragged herself in to her apartment grateful that it was the end of her wretched week, grateful that she had no obligations until Monday and for the first time in a long time grateful that she was going home ALONE on a Friday night.

Between:

Harm's non-committal, soulful eyes, don't-hate-me-because-I-can't-express-my-feelings act,

Webb's desperate invitations to lunch, dinner, a movie, a snowcone, anything to be with her,

Mic's cryptic messages on her answering machine (third in a week - which only served to make her feel guilty all over,)

Sturgis's general annoyance factor,

The admiral's over solicitous concern for her well being,

Bud's 'happiest man a live' routine,

The dry cleaner's incompetence,

The parking attendant's inability to remember to lock her car,

The neighbor's ever watchful eye and

The guy (it had to be a guy a woman would never do that) who kept calling her machine and hanging up,

She was SICK OF MEN. After the week she just had she was DONE. D-O-N-E. Stick a fork in her; she was done. She was ready to shut it all down for three days – well three nights at any rate. She needed some MAC-time. And she was just the marine to give it to her self.

She stopped at her favorite take out place and picked up food, chai tea and a bunch of lilies. Her plan was to go home, have a lovely quiet dinner, listen to music that she liked, take a long hot bath, light a fire, read some trashy novel for pleasure, crawl into her freshly made bed in her new silk pajamas and sleep until Monday. Nothing was going to keep her from her plan.

That was the plan.

She had just snuggled in. The sheets were cool, crisp and clean. The down quilt was fluffy and warm. She let her breathing slow down to enjoy a wonderful stress free night's sleep. She ordered herself not to think, dream or otherwise let the past week – or the following week - enter her thoughts. She should have ordered her self not to hear the knock on her door. It was past midnight, she was not going to answer it. Nothing was going to pull her from that bed short of a fire in the building, and even then she would have to think twice. The knock came again followed by a familiar voice.

"Mac?"

It was Harm. She was in no mood to talk to him. She wasn't mad at him; she was just in no mood. He had bailed on her in court that day. He called in to work before she got there and left a message with Tiner that said he wasn't going to be in and that was all. No other explanation and no phone call to her. She was left doing some pretty fancy footwork for the judge. In the end she was actually able to get their client acquitted; no thanks to Harm.

"Mac?" he said again.

There was something different about his voice. He wasn't yelling and it wasn't even raised above what would normally be needed to get through a door. If she had only closed her bedroom door or gone to bed 10 minutes before he would not have been an issue.

"Mac?" he was just calling to her.

She got up, went to the door and was about to send him away.

"Mac?" he called one more time.

She could be wrong but it sounded like he had been crying. She opened the door. Harm stood before her looking completely disheveled. He was still in his uniform but it looked like he had been wearing it for two days. He barely was able to make eye contact and he was nervously pulling at the band on his hat. Had he been drinking? He was unsteady, but no. His eyes were puffy and red – he had been crying.

"What happened?" she asked gently (her irritation gone instantly at the sight of him).

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you." He didn't want to wake her, but he needed her to be awake.

"Come in," she stepped back to let him in but he did not move.

"I needed to see you," his voice started to crack again. "I didn't want to be alone."

"Harm – come in and tell me what's going on."

He allowed her to lead him into the apartment and over to the couch. He slumped down and continued to play with the band on his hat.

"Harm?" she sat down very close to him.

"I'm sorry. I should go."

"Harm," she put her hand on his arm to prevent him from leaving.

He took her hand in both of his. He got very serious and his voice scared her a little. "You've always been so good to me. Always there for me, always willing to do whatever it takes, always willing to put yourself second when I need you."

"That's what friends do," she was confused.

"Friends," he looked up into her eyes, briefly and then looked back down at their hands entwined.

"You've done it for me," she continued.

"I have? Have I really?" he said unconvinced. He pressed and released her hand. "Yeah, we're friends – best friends," he sounded so sad. "My friend Sarah."

"I am," she turned his face toward hers. "Talk to me."

"I lost my other Sarah today."

Mac was confused. Did he mean his plane? Was he really this upset about a plane? It had a lot of history to it, but it was, after all, a plane. "Harm?"

"My grandmother died this morning or maybe it was last night or yesterday. I don't know --," his voice cracked and he could not finish his next thought.

"Oh, Harm. I'm sorry," she took his hand back into both of hers.

He squeezed them gently - grateful for the contact. "She was all alone," he began by way of explanation. "I was supposed to see her last Sunday, but she said she wasn't feeling well and we had that case to prepare for, so -," he broke off. "I was supposed to go this Sund- . . . She was all alone." Tears fell from his eyes and he turned into her.

She wrapped her arms around him, pulled him close and rocked him.

He put his arms around her and buried his face in her shoulder. "She was so strong," he mumbled. "I never thought - - - She was never sick a day in her life. I should have been there."

"Shhh." Mac tried to calm him. She continued to hold him and buried her own face in his neck.

"Thank you, Sarah," he said after a moment to calm him self. "I'm sorry to dump this on you," he pulled away from her and wiped his eyes.

Mac sat back a little but was unwilling to completely let go. She wanted to be there for him. It was so rare that Harm showed his vulnerable side so completely. She wanted to respect that.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"Don't," she smoothed his hair back and wiped a last tearstain away. It was easy for her to be gentle and kind to him when he allowed it. He looked so sad; like a young man in profound pain. She just wanted to take that pain away. She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss and pulled him in to a hug.

"Thank you," he hugged her back.

She pulled back and looked for sign of his pain lessening. She kissed him again. What she had originally intended as a comforting contact between friends the first time, turned into something a little different the second time. The third kiss lingered a little too long and Mac realized that this was not comforting to him. She pulled away.

It was too late for Harm; he felt it too. Slowly she saw him transform from a boy full of hurt to a man full of desire. His eyes were searching for an answer to a question that she did not know. He must have found his answer. He touched her cheek, combed her hair off her face and pulled her to him. Their lips met and their tongues tangled. Softly and sweetly at first but it became deeper and more passionate. Mac's mind was reeling as she returned the intensity full fold. So many thoughts were spinning around in her head and were kept spinning by the numerous emotions that were taking over her actions. He was holding her. He was kissing her. He wanted her; there was no doubt in her mind. And she wanted him.

But was this a wise thing to do on this night? Would they - rather HE - regret this later? Her apprehension must have signaled him. Harm drew back before it went too far – if it hadn't already. "Oh God, Mac. I'm sorry."

She saw panic in his eyes.

In his mind, he had gone too far. He quickly got up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean -. I'm sorry." He grabbed his cover. "I never should have – this is not why I came – I don't want you to think - I have to go."

He bolted from the apartment, leaving her dazed and confused and alone. He didn't want her. He was just momentarily looking for physical comfort and for whatever complicated reasons he had going on in his head when it came down to it; he didn't want that from her. Why did he always run? Why didn't he want that from her?

Mac's night was ruined; a fitting end to a lousy week. There was no way she was going to get any sleep and if she actually did close her eyes there is no way she was not going to think about him or dream about him or those all too brief moments when they were totally real with each other. There was no order she could give herself to wipe that away.

Mac being Mac took most of the responsibility on herself. Where she learned to protect and forgive **the man**, just because he is **the man** was beyond her. It must have been societal because it sure wasn't learned at home. Of course it might have had more to do with the self-deprecating voice in her head telling her that she was wrong, she was always wrong. She had spent her entire life telling that voice to SHUT UP. And she did it loudly again that night. It was not her fault. He kissed her. She was just trying to comfort him in a time of need and he pushed it too far. He was the one. Damn you Harmon Rabb. You did it again. You pulled her in just to push her away.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Harm ran from the apartment. Ran down the stairs taking them three at a time. Lost and found his car in the parking lot. Lost and found his keys in his pocket. Slammed his car in reverse. Nearly slammed into the car next to him pulling out. Put as much distance as he could between Mac and himself without breathing. He made it down the block before the voices in his head became too loud to think for him self and he needed air.

== Pull over. PULL OVER – you're going to kill yourself.

Harm did what he was told.

~~ What the hell is wrong with you? Go back and finished what you started you - - - TEASE.

Harm looked in his review mirror.

== Just take a moment and breathe – you'll be OK. Everything will be OK.

~~ Everything was great. Go back. She is expecting you.

!!! Don't be ridiculous. You should never have gone to see her so late. A phone call –

~~ Did you see what she was wearing? Had to be silk. And fresh from the bath? Damn, she smelled good.

!!! You should have called.

== A phone is too impersonal. But you should not have kissed her.

~~ SHE kissed YOU first – and second – and third. She knew what she was doing.

!!! She was taking advantage of you, the HUSSY.

== She was not taking advantage of you. She was consoling you.

~~ Consoling? I'd say that was pretty damn invigorating. GO BACK.

!!! Your grandmother just died; do you really want to use that as an excuse to get a girl into bed?

== Mac isn't just A GIRL.

~~ I'd say she is all woman. Go back. Do it. Do it. Do it. Go. Go. Go.

!!! SHUT UP! YOU ARE NOT GOING BACK, HARMON RABB JUNIOR. JUST FORGET IT.

Harm shook his head to stop the noise.

!!! Now drive.

~~ Spoil sport.

He started the car and pulled out slowly and drove. He didn't know where, he just drove.

~~ It wouldn't have been a bad thing – she wanted it as much as you did.

!!! Until she backed away.

== Why do you think she backed away?

!!! You know why she backed away, Mac is a lot of things – but in the end she is a FEMALE and females are always ambivalent when it comes to stuff like this.

~~ She seemed pretty committed.

!!! Mac is not ambivalent. She is practical. It wouldn't have been a good idea to do that on this night.

== What do you think she is thinking?

~~ Probably kicking herself for letting you run.

!!! Probably thanking her lucky stars that it didn't get any further.

### She is probably confused.

She is probably HURT.

She probably thinks that you didn't want her because of her?

~~ Why would she think that?

!!! All women think that.

&&& She probably thinks that this is just another time when you couldn't follow through.

== You need to get a handle on why you left before you talk to her again.

~~ Why did you leave?

!!! You left because it would have be WRONG to stay.

~~ RIGHT? Wrong? Please this isn't a test.

== Mac is your best friend; you need to talk.

!!! Best friends don't kiss – at least not like that.

~~ Best friend, schmest friend – you got chemistry. Combustible chemistry. If it didn't happen today it will happen eventually.

== OK enough – this is what is going to happen. You will call her tomorrow and you will make arrangements to talk.

~~ She isn't going to want to talk.

== She will.

!!! God knows it is what she is best at.

~~ I'll bet she has a few other talents.

== Give yourself and her a chance to cool off and gain a little perspective.

~~ Take a cold shower.

!!! What is there to talk about? You need to just plain and simple apologize and forget about it.

== This maybe the opportunity you have been looking for.

~~ Missed opportunity.

!!! This is no time to advance any agenda like that.

== I think Grandmother would understand. If it took this kind of tragedy to make you see the light, then so be it. Call her tomorrow.

!!! Forget about it.

~~ Go back – now!

Harm leaned over and turned on the radio. He turned it up very loudly. He turned the car for home.


	2. Saturday

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Two

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for logging in. Written: September 2003 SATURDAY - 1130 EST

**Sarah Rabb Residence**

Bethesda, PA

Mac wondered on her drive to Pennsylvania that morning, why she hadn't ever met Sarah Rabb. She also wondered if the grieving grandson would want to see her that morning particularly after their parting the night before. She struggled with going or not going, but in the end decided that whatever else, they were friends and he needed a friend. The rest of it could be tabled until … mostly likely never. The near missed intimacy they shared would not be addressed, discussed or otherwise acknowledged; par for the Harm-n-Mac course. She could live with that. She was used to it. She was comfortable with it.

So who was Sarah Rabb? Harm's grandmother for sure; but who else? Was she a little old lady who baked cookies and knitted? Mac rather doubted that. Harm had said once that she was a woman that he loved and respected more with each passing year. She was a stabilizing force in his life, his touchstone to the past and the future. She kept him linked to his father and his heritage and forced his eye to look ahead. Would her death shake the foundation that was Harmon Rabb or would he now finally pick up the mantle and carry the name of Rabb on to the next generation? That was up to Harm.

She saw him immediately when she entered the house. She could tell he was having a hard time concentrating. He appeared to have still not gotten any sleep. He was dealing with the details, the arrangements; the minutia of death. The kitchen was full of strangers – at least strangers to her and most likely to him - who came to pay their respects, to offer assistance and bring food. It appeared that they knew each other better than they knew him, so they were consoling themselves – a good thing for Harm. Someone told Mac that he was on the phone dealing with the funeral home – again – picking flowers of all things. How the hell was he supposed to know if she would prefer delphiniums or irises? Pick one. She liked blue. Mac felt an overwhelming need to protect him from all this minor stuff. But what right did she have? They weren't married; they weren't involved – well at least not in the strictest sense of the word. She was a friend. That is all. All she could do was offer support.

There was something more off about him than just dealing with arrangements. He seemed to be at the breaking point. Surely not everything he was dealing with was minor. What about Sergei? Surely he had met his grandmother during his brief stay in the states. Would he come from all that way? Did Harm have to make the arrangements? Dealing with the red tape on that would be very aggravating, but again minor. What else could it be? What about Harm's mother? Harm had told Mac once that Grandmother Rabb and the former Mrs. Harmon Rabb Sr. were never friendly and it had only gotten worse after his mother remarried. They probably hadn't exchanged more than a Christmas card (if that) in the last ten years. Did he have to get between these two women one last time? Did he have to fight with his mother at a time when he needed her the most? No. She would come and come for him. People would rise to the occasion.

So what else could it be? Maybe there wasn't more to it than the death of a woman so close to him. Maybe there was. How much of what happened last night with Mac was still affecting him. Could that little incident send him into a tailspin? True he had over stepped what was expected – but did it really matter that much? He had to know that Mac would forgive him. But how many times was he going to be able to screw up and be forgiven? She knew the answer to that, which is why she came: at least one more.

"Harm?" Mac's voice cut through the din.

"Hi, " he said taking the phone away from his ear. His entire expression changed as if to say 'Thank God, the marines have landed.' She was glad to know that she could still be responsible for taking some weight off his shoulders. "Hang on," he put up his finger and went back to his conversation. He wrapped it up quickly and turned his full attention to Mac. "Thank you for coming," she knew part of that was said because that is what people say when other people come to pay their respects, but she had to believe that a large part was because he actually was grateful. Her goal right then was not to make him answer for recent events, it was solely to give support and lend a hand.

"You look exhausted," she observed. "Did you get any sleep?" she was not hard or cold; she was being direct like she always was. He really did look like death warmed over.

"Not that I remember," he said with an honesty born of exhaustion. "Mac, about last night …"

She could tell by that look in his eye that he had no clue as to where that sentence was going. All she saw was a plea for her to bail him out. Of course that could have been the look in her eyes being reflected back. She put up her hand. "Don't. You don't need to say anything. It's OK. I know. It wasn't personal. I understand," she looked away.

Harm was appalled. "Not personal?!" He grasped her arm. "Mac - of course it was personal!"

The Hopkins – Annie and Lowell Hopkins – Sarah Rabb's oldest and dearest friends interrupted. They had to be in their early nineties. Annie wrapped Mac up in an embrace. "I am so sorry dearie," she began in a voiced quaked with age and wisdom. "But she is in a better place now. She was so proud of you." Mac was confused. "You know she never stopped talking about little Harm's beautiful wife."

"No, Mrs. Hopkins." Harm tried to clarify. "Mac and I aren't --."

"Of course you are. Just look at the two of you, as if God made your for each other." The old woman led Mac away as Lowell prevented Harm from following.

In the corner by the window Annie continued. "She was ready to go, dear," she said in a grandmotherly tone. "It is good that it was quick. She had lived a full and productive life. In her later years all she ever wanted was to see you two happy." Mac looked over at Harm. "A great grand baby would have been nice – but she never begrudged you waiting."

The entire scene started taking on a very surreal quality. It was becoming a little bit too much to bear. Mac smiled. She looked at Harm and nodded to let him know that she was a marine and could handle this. He just looked uncomfortable and frustrated. Did he want to finish that conversation? What did he say? That it was personal? What did that mean – exactly? The kiss or the leaving … which part or both were persona? Mac shook it off – that would be all they said about it. It was over. She focused her attention back on Annie Hopkins. Mac really liked the old woman. She was full of wisdom and clarity of thought that most young and middle-aged people never achieve. Mac had not had the benefit of an older female in her life; this was new to her. After the first twenty minutes, she did not bother to try to explain that she and Harm were only friends, especially when Annie introduced her to everyone as Harm's "pretty marine lawyer wife." Well three out of four ain't bad.

Late in the afternoon, people started clearing out. Harm found Mac in his grandmother's study. She was looking at all the pictures on the wall. Many of them were taken recently and were of friends and neighbors, most of whom Mac now knew by first name. There were pictures of Sarah and her husband, Harm Sr. through all the ages of his life, and select pictures of Harm during the key moments in his (graduations etc). There was actually one of Harm and Mac. It was taken at JAG for some fundraiser they did. They were standing together, Harm's arm was around her shoulders protectively, and Mac's wrapped around his waist. They were out of uniform and were leaning into each other looking as if the camera had interrupted a very private moment. She couldn't remember when it was taken. Mac had to admit to herself that they did look like a married couple in that picture.

"Hi," he said. "You OK?"

"I should be asking you that," she said without turning around. "You look a lot more like your Dad when you were young."

"Yeah," he sat on the edge of the desk on the other side of the room. "He was taller."

"Your grandmother was a very beautiful woman."

"She was," he said sadly. "I am sorry about Annie and Lowell."

"Don't be. It's fine," she shook her head to let him know that she was OK. "Is Sergei coming in?"

"He should be here in a couple of hours. You would think we were trying to get a top level Al Qeda member in with all the paperwork we had to fill out."

"And you mother?"

"She'll be here – for me – she'll come," Harm owned.

"Good."

There was a stiff silence.

"Mac – we need to talk," he said tentatively.

"Do we?" she shook her head. "I think you have some other priorities right now."

He heaved a heavy sigh. "You are a priority, Mac."

"Let's not do this now." Mac finally turned to look at him.

"I think we should."

"I don't." Mac decided she needed to take the offensive. "Why do Annie and Lowell think we are married?"

"My grandmother must have told them about you."

"She told them that we were married? Was she senile?"

He smiled that smile – no his grandmother was the sanest person he knew. "No, I am sure she told them we were partners and the Hopkins made up the rest themselves."

"Why would she tell them anything about me at all? I have never met your grandmother."

Harm's face washed with sadness. "You should have. You would have liked her. I'm sorry Mac."

She shrugged. It was just one more apology to stack on the pile.

"I am always apologizing to you, aren't I?"

She pulled a fake brave smile – the one she had been wearing all day. "No worries – as Mic would say – I suppose you didn't get around to having us meet because things have been so strained with us of late."

He looked up at her. He was annoyed. "Would you stop doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"I don't know if you are bucking for sainthood or if you really believe what you are saying," he pushed his hand through his hair.

"What?"

"Stop making excuses for me!" He blurted out with a lot more force than he had intended.

"Me?"

"Yeah you," he stood up and started pacing the room. "You have been making excuses for me for years and what is worse --- I have let you. And more often than not you're wrong."

She looked confused. "I make excuses for you?"

"All the time. You explain things away – make excuses – to justify something that I have done or not done. Do you do it for me or for you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Mac I am not sure why I didn't introduce your to my grandmother but it was not because things were 'strained.' They haven't been 'strained' for seven years."

"With that you come up with a statement like I have been making excuses for you for years?"

"OK – how about this – When I kissed you on the pier, I wasn't kissing Diane. When I kissed you at your engagement party, it was not a goodbye kiss, it was everything but. When we got caught under the mistletoe it was not an awkward moment – not for me. When I asked you not to go to Paraguay it was not because you had one foot out the door. And when I kissed you last night it was most definitely personal."

Mac was blown away.

"Brother?" Sergei voice's cut the room. Mac looked away and Harm slowly turned his attention to his brother. They hugged. Harm was just about to ask Sergei to excuse them, when Mac slipped from the room. "Damn it Sara," the other voice in her head said. "You are a marine, stay and fight like one."

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X **

He was on the porch about an hour or so later. Sergei was in the kitchen eating. Thank God all those people brought food. It was still early yet. He could drive to Georgetown and force her to talk to him. But clearly she didn't want to talk. She had made up her mind.

"Brother?" Sergei handed him the phone. Harm cocked his head as if to ask who? "Mother."

"Mom? Hi. . . . When? . . . Is Frank coming with you? . . . Of course. . . . OK, well whatever you decide. . . . Good. . . . I'm OK. Got my brother here. . . . Right. Thanks Mom. . . . I love you too. See you tomorrow," he clicked the phone off and handed it back to Sergei.

"Mac went home?" Sergei asked.

"You know she did."

"Is she coming back?"

"Don't know."

"What is wrong with you two? Are you two . . ," he suggested.

"No."

"Thanks the problem."

"I know."

"So do something about it."

"It's not that simple." Harm's words sounded weak.

"Ya know what brother? It is that simple," he pushed the phone into his chest and walked back into the house.

Harm thought for a moment and then dialed.

"Mac? . . . It is Harm, are you there? . . . Please pick up. . . . OK, maybe you aren't home yet. Please call me when you get this. We really need to talk about this. . . . We – the both of us – have got to stop running away. . . . Ok, I'll be waiting for your call," he hung up. Didn't feel any better. In fact that probably made things worse.


	3. Sunday

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Three

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for logging in. Written: September 2003 SUNDAY – 1536 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac had been at the office for nearly three hours. Harm had called her the night before a couple times and started again that morning. She hadn't picked up or returned any of his calls because – well she had no idea why – she just didn't what to talk to him. She actually did know why but was too embarrassed to admit it to herself. She was scared – plain and simple. She was terrified about what he was going to say and she was more scared about what he wouldn't say. There was a possibility that she was about to get everything she had IMPLIED she ever wanted and that frightened her. But what she was really scared of was not getting anything she wanted and being made a fool of for hoping - again. It the end it didn't matter – there was no chance in hell that Mac and Harm could make a go of a relationship. It was too late for them. She had convinced herself of that a LONG time ago. Yet she couldn't deny the fact that she hadn't moved on – not really.

So she avoided the call and in her head she started to convince herself that he was just feeling guilty and needed to make some amends, but then she checked herself. Don't answer for him any more. She finally picked up on the third call that morning. The conversation played over in her head as she tried to push it out with work.

"_Mac – You're home. –We need to talk. Can I come see you?"_

"_Where are you?"_

"_Pennsylvania – I can be there in three hours."_

"_No. Take care of what you need to take care of there."_

"_It's just as important to take care of what is going on with us."_

"_We won't resolve it in one conversation, Harm."_

"_I am aware of that." _

_She was silent. She wanted to point out that there was no "US" to discuss, but that was not how she felt._

"_Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked tentatively._

"_I will. What time is the service?"_

"_1130. Come out tonight. You can stay at the house. We can at least start --"_

"_Not a good idea."_

"_Mac, please."_

"_Harm, you have your mother and brother to deal with and you are burying your grandmother tomorrow. This can wait," she ordered. "You and I are not going to do this now."_

"_It doesn't sound like you want to do it at all."_

"_I know it sounds that way to you." _

"_Mac."_

"_I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow," she hung up before he had a chance to respond._

After that she needed to get away from her apartment, the phone, the deafening silence, the voices in her head. She went to work. She could be distracted, quell the din, fill the void and be alone at work.

"What are you doing here, Mac?" Well not as alone as she wanted to be. She looked up into Sturgis' face. He was not smiling. "I thought you would be with Harm."

"I am not WITH Harm," she said curtly.

"I can see that," he curtly said back.

Mac relented. "I'm sorry. Just can't – I'm sorry."

"What is going on?"

"Do we need to talk about it?" Clearly she didn't want to, but it was sucking the air out of the room; there was nothing else to talk about.

"No."

Mac shook her head. She needed to talk about it – but really didn't want to have to say it out loud. She wanted someone to KNOW what she was thinking and feeling mainly because she didn't know herself. She wanted someone to tell her what to do.

Sturgis took his cue. "Probably trying to figure out why he doesn't seem to be able to say the things you want him to say without some catastrophe or major life event."

Missed the mark a little Sturgis, but a good effort. "What is it that you think I want him to say?" she asked gruffly, trying to put him off.

"That he loves you." Sturgis wouldn't be off put. "He does you know – as much as he can."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Harm has gone out of his way to not be -- normal. Nothing more normal than telling the woman you love that you love her."

"And you say women are complicated," she shook her head. "Has he told you this? In so many words?"

"Harm and I talk about a lot of things – but women and you specifically are purely superficial topics for us. Particularly after you told me what you told me – I haven't pursued it with him."

"So you really don't know – you are just…" she smiled broadly. "Making excuses for him."

"Excuses?"

"He accused me of that yesterday. He said that I justify his actions."

"Justify? Why would you do that?"

"To help him – or me – I'm not really sure," she realized Harm's point. "I suppose because I need explanations for things that he doesn't feel need explaining."

"Do you believe that?"

"Well there is merit to his argument," she heaved a heavy sigh. "When a defendant doesn't take the stand in his own defense, we are forced to make decisions about the motive of his actions based upon the evidence, the history and our own gut feelings, right?"

"We are instructed not to."

"Legally – maybe, but personally we still do it."

Turner nodded.

"And often those decisions are tainted with our own agendas and help us to reconcile with the decisions we have made."

"That doesn't mean that the decisions we make are wrong – necessarily."

"Not necessarily – but they may not be right either. Have you ever known an innocent man to be convicted or a guilty man to be set free?"

"Point taken," he leaned back in his chair. "So where does that leave you? Sitting at work on your day off when you would rather be …?"

"Rather be anywhere else."

"So go – go to him. Figure it out or end it for good – but put an end to this confusion."

"You might be right," she leaned back in her chair trying on the idea. "On the other hand, would it be fair to talk about it now?"

"You mean because of his grandmother?"

She nodded.

"Does he want to?"

She nodded and shrugged. "He says he does."

"That is more than you have ever gotten in the past," he pointed out. "So you have your answer."

"Do I?"

"The real question is if you still love him or not … and what kind of love it is." Sturgis loved having information and loved having the last word. He left with a nod and a 'think about it' face.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Mac arrived home in the late afternoon. She had made the decision to go see him that night. She was going to let him do the bulk of the talking and then she was going to end the confusion for once and for all. All cards would be laid and the game would be over. She packed quickly opting for a simple dark suit for the funeral rather than her dress uniform. She was about to leave when a knock came to her door. She opened it expecting to see Harm. It was Mic.

"Hallo, Mac," he stepped in without waiting for an invitation and kissed her on the cheek as he passed. "Bet you are surprised to see me."

"Mic? What are you doing here?"

"Left you a ton of messages."

"I counted three – you never said that you were going to be in the states."

"Didn't want you to take off on me," he smiled that knowing smile of his. "I'm back Mac and I have a question. Do you want to marry me?"

Mac sat down as if the legs were completely pulled out from under her. "Mic this is really a bad time for jokes."

He knelt down and took her ring out of his pocket. "I have been holding this for you."

"No Mic. This too out of the blue – even for you."

Mic sat back on the chair. "So you and Harm – working it out?"

"Harm is not the issue and never was." Then she got mad. "You can't come blasting into my life three years later after a couple of postcards and some mysterious phone messages and expect me to be waiting for you. A lot has happened since you walked away from me."

"That is a mistake … a mistake I hope to rectify."

"Mic -."

"Sarah – I asked you to marry me – you said yes –"

"No, Mic. You are not going ride over me like you used to do. I am a different person now."

"You are still as beautiful as ever."

"Mic – you need to go. I was on my way out."

"Where are you going?"

"I have a friend who needs me."

"Going to Harm, eh?" he stood up. "But you are still calling him your friend. You know I would have thought after all this time that you would have figured it out."

"Figured what out?"

"That you are only using him to keep yourself from getting hurt."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You keep your sights set on him and then go out of the way to push him away --- you can blame him for your loneliness and you never have to risk."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"The not so funny part about this is that he does the same thing to you," he laughed. "You two are quite a pair"

"You are wrong," she stated.

"Am I? You've convinced yourself that he is the only man for you, so you won't let anybody else in your life. The GREAT UNREQUITED LOVE – it should be in a story book or on TV."

"That is quite enough Mic."

"I'll say it is. You two are like two positive poles – can't help but want to get together, but it can't be more impossible to try and all you succeed in doing is dragging anyone within range into your mess."

"You better leave."

"You should listen to me, Mac. In the end you will both wind up alone and eventually the blame you unload on the other will ruin anything that you did have – even your friendship. It really is sad. It is down right tragic. Let him go, Mac. Doesn't he deserve better than that? Don't you?"

Mic left. Mac ran. Her trip to Pennsylvania was canceled. She ran until her muscles were numb, until her mind stopped spinning, until she felt like she could think clearly. But as soon as she stopped running, her mind cluttered again. So she ran.

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X **

Harm and his mother were having coffee in the kitchen. The rest of the house was quiet, Sergei was finally sleeping – jet lag caught up with him.

"So, Harm. Tell me about this thing with Mac," was his mother's pointed question.

Harm looked up shocked.

"Sergei told me he walked in on you two having a fight," she explained.

"It was not a fight, it was a discussion," he defended.

"What were you two discussing?"

"Mom, I really don't think I can talk about this now," he got up to fill his cup.

"Why?"

"Because I haven't even talked about it with Mac."

"Do you love her?"

"What does love have to do with it?"

"Quite a bit."

"I don't know – yeah I guess so? But it's not like that."

He mother smiled. "Can't imagine why she would be getting mixed messages from you."

"Who said I was giving mixed messages? Maybe she is giving me mixed messages."

"Harm – I am your mother – you are not so different with the opposite sex now than you were at 14."

"MOM," he took a breath. "Look we are at an impasse – and it's just hard to figure it out."

"What's the trouble?"

"MOM."

"Harm if you can't talk about it with your mother . . . it is not sexual is it? I don't want to hear about --."

"Mom, we are not sleeping together."

The realization hit her. "Well there is your problem right there."

"Why does everyone in the world think that by sleeping together all the other issues will be resolved? Sex is not the magic answer to any and all problems."

"I don't think anyone thinks that," she said calmly. "But what I do think is that you two have to decide to be together, or else there is nothing else to discuss."

"So there is nothing else to discuss. Thanks Mom, I feel so much better."

"Don't sass your mother, boy. I can still slap you into the middle of next week."

"Yes, ma'am."

"So what is the impasse?"

He reluctantly continued. "I haven't given up the idea that we should at least try to be more than friends and she won't give up on the idea that if we did try to be more than friends, more than likely we would lose everything."

"That is a dilemma. With so much to win -."

"There is too much to lose," he finished for her.

"Do you know that is what she is thinking?"

"No," he shrugged. "I mean … not for sure."

"Then don't speak for her," she scolded as only a loving mother can scold. "Don't make excuses for her."

Harm laughed. "I accused her of that yesterday."

"What did she say?"

His smiled faded. "She walked out."

"So the real issue is that you two are avoiding damn near everything."

"I'm here – right here – ready to talk – ready to deal with it all. I can't get her to stay."

"Right. Above reproach," she smiled. "Given all that is going on, I think you are being a little unfair to both you and her."

He nodded.

"What about the other night?"

"What other night?"

"Friday night … you did some pretty fancy avoiding that night."

"Who told you about that? Sergei!!" Harm moved toward the sink.

"You both need to stop."

"I know," he sighed. "But if I had stayed that night it would only have made matters worse."

"Are you sure?"

Harm nodded his head. He wasn't sure though. On option was that if they had woken up together they could have just added on more item to their Let's Not Talk About It list. On the other hand, it might have opened the door that needed to be opened to discuss it all. Maybe he was wrong not to stay, but somehow it just didn't feel right. Well there is enough out there for them NOT to ignore. If only she would meet him half way.


	4. Monday

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Four

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.

Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9

Written: September 2003MONDAY – 1045 EST

**First Unitarian Nondenominational Church**

**Bethesda, PA**

Mac drove to the church opting not to go to the house or get there any earlier than necessary. Obviously she did not go down the night before. Mic sort of threw a kink into that whole plan even through she threw him out in short order. Although one could argue that she should have taken his visit as a kick in the ass and gone immediately – DO NOT PASS GO – DO NOT COLLECT $200. Oh well. A ton of bricks would be too subtle for Mac. She hated being told she was wrong, particularly when she was WRONG.

She met most of the JAG crew outside the front door of the church. Everyone was coming from Tiner to the Admiral. The wheels of military justice could pause for a moment for one of their own. Turner showed up with Clayton Webb and Bobbie Latham. Mac did her best to treat it as normal, but Webb was like a heat seeking missile, wherever she was – he was. People were asking her a lot of questions about Harm, most she couldn't answer and some she did not feel right responding to.

They were talking when Harm came around from the back of the church. He reluctantly joined them and thanked them all for coming. He actually looked pretty good for a guy who hadn't sleep in days, Mac thought. She tried to make eye contact with him, but he would not hold it for long.

"Harm," Webb's voice cut over the din in her head. Harm turned and tentatively accepted his outstretched hand. "My condolences."

A "thank you, Clay" was all that Harm could muster. She wondered if Harm thought Webb had come with her, but didn't know how to tell him that he didn't. It was a good thing that he didn't look at her, since Mac looked very guilty. Not only did she not want Harm to think Clay came with her, she did not want Clay to think that she was there with Harm. It all of a sudden occurred to her that the Hopkins were going to be there and they could make it very uncomfortable in front of her co-workers and Clay.

The admiral directed the conversation and asked about Harm's mother and brother. They were on the way to join the group. The conversation was mostly about the weather and what a beautiful location, the architecture of the church, the trips from Russia and San Diego. Mac realized that no one in that group knew Harm's grandmother (save his mother who didn't like the woman and his brother who had only known her a little). They were all there for him. It must have made him very uncomfortable. Harm normally stole the spotlight every chance he got, but she couldn't imagine that this would be a chance he wanted it.

She got close to him and put her hand on his arm. "Are you OK?" she whispered.

"I am," her concern was too little, too late in his mind. "Thank you."

"Harm."

"Everything is fine," he dismissed her curtly.

Harm excused himself from the group to go speak with some of the kids (now adults) he used to run with when he summered on the farm as a kid. Mac watched him from a distance. They must have had some good stories of his grandmother. He looked pleased that someone remembered her. It gladdened her heart that someone could make him smile. She wished she had come down the night before. She chided herself for being selfish and scared. It was Harm. He was her friend – "WAS" now the operative word.

Bud and Harriet were the last to arrive. They came with Mic Brumby. Mac almost choked. In mid-sentence and before Mac could do anything, Harm was clapped on the shoulder. He turned to look into the face of a man he – well "despised" was to strong a word – a man he really did not like. Mac made her way to them quickly – but not quickly enough.

"Hallo, Harm," Mic restrained his natural smile. "Condolences on your loss, mate."

"Thank you," Harm was floored. What the hell was Mic Brumby doing in the states much less at his grandmother's funeral?

Bud shook his hand and fumbled and apology on his loss, Harriet pulled him down for a hug.

"SO … vacationing?" Harm continued to Mic.

"Come back to the states for good, resigned my commission."

"Again?" Harm was still at a loss. "When did you get back?"

"Last night, had some things to discuss with Sarah."

Harm looked and saw her making her way to them. She had an odd look in her eye that he did not see as panic.

"You saw Mac last night?" Mac heard Harm's question and could only imagine what Mic said to him to cause him to ask. What kind of game was Mic playing? This was rude – even for him. Harm was going to get the wrong idea as to why she did not come the night before and had not wanted to discuss the 'us' part of them. Mac joined them.

"Mic – what are you doing here?" Her tone was very scolding.

"He didn't come with you?" Harm accused – he knew of course that Mic did not come with Mac, but he needed to voice his accusation anyway. "Thank you for coming." Harm shook Mic's hand and moved away. The hurt in his eyes was only clear to Mac.

"Mic – you shouldn't have come."

"Why?" He could be so thick headed sometimes or was it payback?

"You should have called me first."

"Why?'

"Mic – don't be so — like you."

She walked away and caught up with Harm. She had moments to spare before Annie and Lowell got to them.

"I didn't know," she whispered quickly.

"That he would be here, that he was in the states or that you saw him last night?"

"Harm, don't think --."

"Did you pick up where you left off? Is that why you didn't want to talk to me?"

"Harm it's not like that."

"Don't worry about it Mac," he said. Clearly it was something she should worry about. "I won't interfere this time. If he is who you want – so be it."

The conversation was cut short by the arrival of the seniors. Annie wrapped Harm up in a hug quickly and reached her hand out to Mac. There was a weird stiffness then Harm pulled away.

"You look beautiful today, Mrs. Rabb."

Harm had had enough of the charade. "She is Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, USMC attached to JAG," he said sternly. "She is not my wife. If you will excuse me," he freed himself from the old woman's grasp to go speak with the minister. It was time to get the show on the road.

Mac was left with a very confused Annie and Lowell. She smiled and nodded. "We are fr – we work together." Mac said. She excused herself and rejoined the JAG staff with Mic and Clay – although she would have just as soon crawled under a rock.

The service was very nice. People spoke very fondly of Sarah Rabb and Harm found the strength to say a few words about the profound impact she had had and still had on his life. He noticed that Mac was sitting between Mic and Clay, but it didn't seem bother him – at least not as much as it bothered her. He looked completely focused on his testimonial and the amazing, wonderful, fulfilled life his grandmother had led. It was full of joy and pain but she never gave up, never gave in, never left anyone behind even if they had wronged her. The legacy that she had left was to keep moving forward, cut your losses (not the people, just the losses) and keep moving.

Mac saw something change in him. Somewhere during that speech a cathartic realization came over him and it had to do with her. She knew it. She saw it in his eyes; as they stayed focused on her. Those were moments – long moments – when they were there only two people in the world. But what did he realize? That she – or rather their non-existent romance was a loss that he needed to cut? That he should be more grateful for the years of friendship rather than be disappointed at the number of missed opportunities? Or was it something else? Something along the lines of making up for lost time since life is so short. She had a feeling she would find out soon enough and their relationship would be materially changed.

The entire group of friends, family and neighbors went back to the Rabb farm afterward. Harm was occupied dealing with the people who came to pay their respects. Most of the JAG staff stayed only for a little while. Harm did not go out of his way to speak with Mac. There were a couple of brief comments when they found themselves in the same group, but not really anything to report. By 1830 everyone had gone including Harm's mother and brother. There were some neighbors cleaning up, they refused to leave it for Harm. He was told to go relax.

When she found him, he had had just restarted Beethoven's The Moonlight Sonata. Probably the last thing his grandmother heard in this life. There were tears dripping from his eyes. She put her hand on his shoulder but did not make any other move to disturb the music. She just wanted to connect with him during something so beautiful. When the movement ended she slid her hand down his arm to clasp his hand firmly and knelt next to the chair.

"Quite possibly the most beautiful piece of music ever written," she said wiping at her tears. "And the saddest."

"I thought you left," he said as he wiped his eyes.

"No."

"Thank you for coming today Mac. It really meant a lot to me."

Was he dismissing her? "Are you going to be OK?"

"I am," he smiled, pulled his hand away and got up. "Not sure what I am going to do with this old house, but I don't think I have the heart to sell it."

"There is a lot of great energy in this house."

"Energy?" he smiled. "When did you get so cosmic?"

"I feel it when I am here. There is a lot of love here."

"And a lot of pain."

"I guess that is normal in a life lived so long and so well."

He had to agree.

"You must consider yourself lucky," she continued.

"Lucky?" He thought for a moment. "Yes, luckier than some I guess – heck maybe most. I have known and loved some pretty amazing people in my life."

"It's not over yet," she suggested.

He looked away.

"When will you be back at the office?" She chose to give him a break and pick a safe topic.

"Not until Monday. There are a lot of things to do here to close up the house."

"Can I help you?"

He smiled and shook his head. "No, Mac. Thank you. You have already done a lot. I couldn't ask you to do more."

He no longer wanted to talk about what happened between them Friday night or for that past 7 years. She got that. He was no longer annoyed at Clayton's attentiveness or Mic's appearance. He had decided to cut the loss. Mac felt the deepness of the cut even if his demeanor didn't reflect it.

"OK – well then I am going to head back," he nodded and moved to lead her to the door. She stopped him with a touch to his arm that she quickly pulled away. "I didn't come here with either Mic or Clay."

He nodded.

"Harm?"

"Don't – please. Look Mac – I can deal with Webb and Brumby," he owned. "But I can't fight you for you – not any more. You and I have been through so much –we haven't made it past this hurdle – on our own – by now – so we have to let it go."

She looked very sad. She had achieved her objective, which was to push him away and this time it might actually be for good. "So what does that mean?"

"It means nothing. Nothing has changed – except that everything has. You should be happy Mac, and so should I. Life is too short. If my grandmother didn't teach me that in life, she taught me that in her passing."

She nodded and slipped out without further comment. When she reached the car, she heard the Moonlight Sonata start again. She stood for many moments listening before she got in her car and drove away. 'Be careful what you wish for.' She scolded.

On the two plus hour right home she let her mind play over in her head the events of her relationship with Harm as if the book were closed. It was better this way. They never let it get too far so they never had to deal with the real fall out of what could have happened. What if he had returned her advances in Sydney Harbor? What if she had walked away from her wedding to Mic the night of her engagement party? What if one night in Paraguay – alone in a hotel room – was spent connecting physically rather than trying to avoid the obvious verbally?

It was all so long ago. Too much had happened between then and now. What if he hadn't run away on Friday night? What if she had stayed and talked to him on Saturday? Or made it back on Sunday? How would this Monday be any different? And what about Tuesday? Or the days and weeks ahead?

Those were all WHAT IFs that weren't. 'Deal with the reality marine.' She scolded. The reality was that if they had wanted to be together there were plenty of opportunities. The reality was that this was not a one sided issue and no one was more to blame. On the other hand, another reality was what he said to her the other night:

"_When I kissed you on the pier, I wasn't kissing Diane. When I kissed you at your engagement party, it was not a goodbye kiss, it was everything but. When we got caught under the mistletoe it was not an awkward moment – not for me. When I asked you not to go to Paraguay it was not because you had one foot out the door. And when I kissed you last night it was most definitely personal."_

What was she supposed to do with those little pieces of reality?

X X X X X X X X X X X X

Harm stayed still for nearly three hours after the house was quiet in his grandmother's favorite chair. It was all he could do. The voices in his head were silent and he was numb. He wasn't thinking about anything in particular, he wasn't sad, mad, glad or depressed in anyway. Yes, he would miss his grandmother. Yes, he would miss the hope he had for Mac. Yes, he would survive.

He picked up the book his grandmother had been reading. It was a book of poems. It had been her favorite since he could remember. It was opened to the Alfred, Lord Tennyson section and one had been marked with a star. She had read it to him when he was young, and must have read again recently.

Harm read aloud "Crossing The Bar":

_Sunset and evening star,_

_And one clear call for me!_

_Any may there be no moaning of the bar, _

_When I put out to sea, _

_But such a tide as moving seems asleep,_

_Too full for sound and foam, _

_When that which drew from out the boundless deep,_

_Turns again home._

_Twilight and evening bell,_

_And after that the dark! _

_Any may there be no sadness of farewell, _

_When I embark;_

_For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place_

_The flood may bear me far,_

_I hope to see my Pilot face to face_

_When I have crossed the bar._

"I can't promise that there will be no 'sadness of farewell' Gramms," he started to put the book down, when a note slipped out into his lap. He recognized his grandmother's scrawling script right away. It was addressed to him.

_Harm, my dearest boy –_

_I am so proud of you; as I know your father and his father would be if they could tell you. Don't live in the past, but don't forget it either. You have got the world by the short hairs. Make the most of it. Keep flying._

_I love you! _

_Your grandmother, _

_Sarah._

Harm sat for a moment, before putting the note back in the book. He grabbed his coat and headed off for the hanger.


	5. Tuesday

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Five

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.

Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9

Written: September 2003TUESDAY – 1018 EST

**JAG Headquarters **

**Falls Church, VA**

Mac was overloaded. Monday out – so catching up was Tuesday's first agenda item. Harm's cases were divvied up among the staff. She was roped. She had court on Friday on a felony theft case that she had no hope in hell of winning. Her client was caught dead to rights but she had three days to try to figure out how to lessen this guy's sentence. She had to interview a deserter in an hour that she was tasked with defending. Finally she had one of Harm's cases coming up on Thursday that completely eluded her. Charges of sexual harassment were filed by a male RIO against his female pilot that included interfering with the RIOs advancement. The charges were ridiculous. When Harm was doing the investigation she had recommended that he NOT pursue it. It was clearly a case of a lovers spat gone awry. She not only would NOT have brought charges now she had to prosecute. Worse than that she had too many other things to do and she couldn't call Harm to find out what his approach was going to be.

Or could she?

She could call him with his case as an excuse and ask what his strategy was going to be. He would have to talk to her; it was about work. It would be an interesting conversation since it was about two people who worked together with some sexual tension between them. It might open a door for him to discuss or hint at what he was feeling about her – it has been done in the past. But it would also open the same door for her to reveal how she felt about him; she still was unsure she wanted to do that particularly because she wasn't prepared to talk about it or even fully own it. Every time she allowed her self to think of them trying to be a couple there was a very loud voice in her head that said 'Don't Do It … you two don't stand a chance in the long run, and you will lose your friendship.' She was not sure where that voice was coming from, but it demanded to be heeded. A little voice in her head said the friendship was nearly lost already due to this inability to deal with the other stuff and that she needed to do something about that quickly. It didn't matter anyway, he had made his feelings very clear the day before – he was done with the "us" portion of her. So if she called him to discuss the case, he would suspect that she was just manipulating the situation to keep the connection between them, then he would be angry or annoyed that she was being so – so – so transparent. It would only make matters worse. In the end, he was out of the office for a reason, he didn't need to be burdened with work or have some guilt laid at his feet that he his absence was causing other people a lot of trouble.

But she could still call him and ask if he was OK – as a friend.

She reached for the phone and thought better of it. He would just dismiss her with an 'I'm fine' comment that would again prove that he was done. She put the phone down and looked up in time to see Mic was standing in her doorway. Mac tried to delay him with the mountain of work she had, but knew that he would not go away. She relented to the offered lunch if only to take the time to send him away for good.

"Mac," he said after they had ordered. "I have a confession to make,"

"Look, I get to go first," she cut him off. "I know I hurt you and I am sorry about that. You have to know that it was not intentional. As for the state of my life and how I choose to spend my time and with whom – it is no longer a concern of yours. You no longer are permitted to have an opinion."

"OK."

She paused waiting for him to protest or something. He didn't. After a moment or two he began in earnest.

"There is something I need to explain," he said tentatively. "When I came to you the other night, I had something else to tell you – but instead … well I couldn't help myself."

"What are you talking about?"

"When I saw you the whole thing came flooding back to me and I wanted payback."

"Payback?"

"I saw the guilt you were feeling and it wasn't enough, so I asked if you wanted to marry me," he shook his head and forged on in spite of the anger building in her eyes. "I don't know what I would have done if you had said yes," he laughed. "I was pretty sure you wouldn't."

"I don't understand."

"I met a woman – a wonderful woman who loves me and is not afraid to admit it," he paused to let the obvious sink in.

"You met someone?"

"Yes, her name is Candi and she is a travel agent. We got married yesterday."

"Married? Yesterday?"

"I suppose I should have told you sooner – I have been trying to get a hold of you for months now, but you never seem to be at home or feel the need to return my phone calls."

She shook her head – it was too much even for Mic.

"We met on the plane ride home years ago. For a long time I thought she was a replacement for you. That you were the great unrequited love of my life. That there was no way I could ever love again,"

Mac looked embarrassed and annoyed.

"Not true. There is no ONE GREAT LOVE. That is crap from movies and TV. My feelings for you were real but I got over them," he sighed. "The only regret I have is that I wish you were a little more honest with me – but I forgive you because you weren't honest with yourself either."

Mac was thrown – how was she supposed to respond to any of that? "Honest with you?"

"Maybe it was not honesty – maybe you really just didn't know," he looked at her. "I should have known all the signs were there. It was as much my fault as it was yours."

"What signs?"

"Dress white and gold wings, Mac?" Mic's broad smile seemed very out of place. "I am talking about Harm."

"You are stepping way over the line here Mic. You know nothing about my relationship with Harm."

"I am not sure you know anything about it either"

"My relationship with Harm is no one's – and I mean NO ONE's business but my own!" Mac was livid.

"You can't stop people from caring Sarah," he forged on in spite of the expression on her face that said STAND DOWN. "I saw his face yesterday, Mac. I saw him look at you when he thought you and I were together. I know that look Sarah. I have had it myself."

"I can't believe you went to his grandmother's funeral to make him jealous. That is totally inexcusable. What were you thinking? Have you always been this vindictive?"

"Not vindictive Sarah, honest."

"It is that kind of honesty that no one needs in life."

"Let him go, Sarah," he smiled. "Do both of you a favor and let him go."

"Mic I am going to say this once and one time only. I don't ever want to hear from you again. What you did is inexcusable. I am glad you found someone that makes you happy. Please don't ever darken my door again."

"Mac."

"And I want you to leave Harm alone as well. I have no idea how he will respond when I tell him what you did, but if I were you, I wouldn't want to be around to find out."

"Mac – what did I--?

"No, Mic. I don't even know who you are. For all Harm's faults and for all the things people think about us – he would never pull a stunt like that on anyone – on his worst enemy – much less someone he loved or even used to love."

"Oh really?" he smirked. "I guess courting you and kissing you at our engagement party was the act of an officer and a gentleman, huh?"

Mac looked shocked as that scene played back in her head. Mic knew about that?

"Should have closed the blinds Mac."

"Goodbye Mic," Mac left before the lunch arrived.

'Let him go' was Mic's advice to her. They rang in her ears. "Let him go," she thought, "Let them all go,"

Men can't live with them can't shoot them in the back of the head and dump their bodies in a ditch!

Back at the office near dinnertime, she was contemplating ordering in or just going without. She hadn't eaten all day. Harriet had offered to get her some dinner but at the time Mac was just hoping that everyone would go home and leave her there by her self. She needed to work.

She closed her eyes for a moment and let her mind rest. Before she knew it she was reliving the scene from Friday night. A part of her wanted to replay it over and over in her head but she forced it back. When she opened her eyes Webb was in her door way.

"Don't people KNOCK?!" was her snappish remark.

"Didn't want to wake you if you were sleeping."

"Sorry, Clay. It has been a really bad day – week – couple of weeks."

"Well, I am not sure if this is going to make it any better for you or not."

"Now what?"

"I am going to Kabul," he announced.

"For how long."

"Permanently."

"Excuse me?"

"After our little trip to Paraguay and a few other unsuccessful jobs, I have been demoted and they are sending me to a field office."

"And they picked Kabul?"

"I picked it."

"Clay – that is -."

"A pretty primo assignment. There is a lot of stuff going on in that part of the world. I have already made a lot of contacts and I will be going deep under cover. I will be unreachable for more than a year – probably closer to two."

"Why are you doing this Clay?"

"You know why Mac."

She shook her head. She didn't want to own her factor of his decision. "It's suicide."

"Not really – at least it shouldn't be. I need to get back to work. I have been distracted long enough and I need to throw myself back into the job."

"Clay."

"You are not responsible for this," he smiled. "Or only slightly. If things were different between us, then yeah, I would have fought to find a job here in DC, but they aren't, so I need to do what I do best. I'm a spook Mac. I need to do it and I am good at it."

"When do you leave?"

"Catching the next transport – leaves in about an hour."

"An hour?"

"Yeah, I stopped here on my way to Andrews. Wanted to say good bye in person."

Mac got up and came around her desk and hugged him hard. "Take care of yourself Clay."

"You know I will. I always do."

"If you ever need me --."

"I won't. I can't be responsible for putting your life in jeopardy again," he said sadly.

"Get in touch with me some how just to let me know you are alive."

"When I can," he pulled away from her. "I've got to go," he kissed her softly on the cheek and she returned the kiss on the lips.

"Be careful."

He turned to leave and then turned back. "Find yourself some happiness, Sarah. There is no one who deserves it more than you do. You have earned it."

"Thank you."

"It doesn't have to be with Rabb you know, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Fish that would actually enjoy being hooked by you," he smiled and walked out.

There were plenty of fish in the sea, fish that would not be so – fishy. Mic was caught and thrown back. Clay was caught and thrown back. Harm never took the bait (to follow a metaphor). She could always re-bait her hook and try something else – or try for someone else. But even now, she didn't feel like dropping a line in the water. She let the fish that she would measure all others against get away. Or did she?

She pulled out her cell and dialed number two on her speed dial.

"Hi . . . just me checking in . . . hope you are OK. Call me . . . if you need to talk – OK . . . bye," she hung up. Can't imagine why he wouldn't take that bait. Maybe she really didn't want to catch him. Maybe Mic was right. Maybe she was just using him to keep her heart safe. Set a goal, throw ever road block including the kitchen sink in your own way that the goal is unattainable and then do nothing to attain it – you never win, but you also don't have to give up trying, or live with the victory. Her head hurt and her heart was beginning to really ache. She went back to work.

**X X X X X X X X X X X**

Harm found himself alone – truly alone – for the first time in days. He went out on to the lawn under the stars and the full moon. It was amazing how quiet it was out there in the middle of nowhere. The sound of the crickets and frogs and other nightly animals noises drifted softly into his ears. Life made sense there – or at least the reason for life. He would head home the next day. Back to his life. Back to the normalcy that he had grown accustomed to. He had a few more days before he needed to be at the office, but he would go back and get a jump on the routine. Why did he know it would not be the same?

Mac – he thought about her a lot. He missed her phone call by seconds and decided not to call her back. There was something in her voice that was too too. He wanted her to want him. He wanted her to stand up and make a statement. She would never do that. He knew it. But yet he waited for a sign that someday she would. Someday she would turn to the same page that he was on and they would figure it out. That someday never seemed so far away as it did that night under the moon and the stars alone on the Rabb farm.

The aloneness nearly over took him. He slumped down on the picnic bench down near the stream and looked back at the house. There was something small moving toward him. He couldn't tell if it were a dog, a raccoon or a possum, but it was making a bee-line right too him. Before he knew it – there was a cat – jet black and shiny - in his lap. She was purring and rubbing her head on him and demanding to be paid attention to. He did.

"Who are you little one?" he said to the little black fur ball that was purring to beat the band. He slipped the tags around and realized that it was his grandmother's cat. He never knew she had a cat. He flipped the tag over and was stunned at the cat's name. "Eternity? Your name is Eternity?" The cat cried and licked his hand demanding more attention. "Well Eternity, seems like my wait is over."


	6. Wednesday

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Six

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.

Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9

Written: September 2003 WEDNESDAY –

Mac found herself in Harm's hallway. His door was ajar. Soft music and the aroma of dinner were wafting into the hall. She eased open the door and scanned the apartment. He was sitting in the dark in the chair by the window with his head back and his eyes closed completely rapped up in the music. She crept in as to not disturb him. She knelt down by the chair and took his hand in both of hers. She held the back of it to her face for a moment before turning it over and pressing the palm to her lips. He smelled like dish soap and garlic. He let his fingers stroke the side of her face, but he did not open his eyes. She leaned up and brushed his lips lightly with hers. His eyes still did not open. She again pressed her lips to his, a little more firmly. Without opening his eyes, his hands went to her face. He pulled her to him – soft at first – as if to keep him in the dream he was in – but then got more intense as if the reality of the woman he was kissing dawned on him. She tried to pull away but he would not let her get too far; their eyes locked inches apart. The intimacy was exhilarating. He pulled her down on to his lap and cradled her in his arms. She wrapped hers around his neck and pulled his mouth down to cover her own. The intensity was growing. The passion was escalating. The desire was palpable. Hearts were pounding. Blood was racing. Hands were exploring. There was no way that this was going to be cut short. They had gone past the point of no return – and she did not want to stop. She wouldn't let it.

"Mac," a voice pulled her from her fantasy. "Colonel." The admiral called to her from the open door. "Do you have a moment?" The colonel dazed to reality and attempted to come to attention. "As you were."

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Please come in."

She tried to shake the image and the feelings the daydream inspired, but they still felt so real. Her desire was still strong. She could still feel his lips, his arms, his passion. The smell of him filled her nose, the music still lay upon her ears. Had she ever desired a man the way she desired him? Why was that? Because of the taboo? Because of the risk involved? Because of the seven years of un-acted upon feelings? Or was it because of the emotional intimacy that they already had? Or maybe it was the reality of that all too brief experience they had shared the other night. Did that make the physical ache for him so much more powerful? Or was it because she thought she had finally lost him?

'Secure it marine!' She chided herself.

What was happening to her? She had been able to keep those feelings in check for so long. What had happened to make that now impossible? Maybe it was all of them leaving her in the space of twenty-four hours. Maybe she was forced to face the fact that of the three the only one she thought about was Harm – well thought about in that way. No - thought about in anyway. She had barely given Mic a second thought after she left the restaurant, but her guilt was now gone. As for Clay, she was now free to think of him or not, but was not worried that she was going to have to 'let him down easy' at any given moment during that day. Now every extra thought she had was of Harm – well she and Harm – together. Together in ways that they never had been. It was not longer only in her dreams. It now was invading her waking day – her working day. It had to end, and end now. SECURE IT MARINE!

"Mac?"

"What can I do for you, sir?"

"You seem a little out of sorts Colonel and I just wanted to check in."

"Do I sir? I'm sorry I didn't realize--."

"You don't need to apologize Colonel. I was just concerned. You can tell me to butt out and I will not take it as a sign of disrespect."

"Sir?"

"I am just concerned."

"Everything is fine sir."

He closed the door and sat down. "I am glad to hear it," he took a deep breath. "Colonel – things are not fine with me. May I?" She nodded for him to continue. "I am having – second thoughts."

"Sir?"

"Not about Meredith – not about her per se – well I am just not sure about the whole marriage thing. Things are great right now, better than great. We are good together – I don't want to screw that up."

"You think if you advance to the next level things might change?"

"I do," he sighed. "I thought you might have some insight."

"I sir?"

"Yes, you know Meredith and you know me about at well as anyone – do you think – I don't want – we are both over the – what I am trying to say is --."

"That you worry about keeping the . . . interest alive."

"We aren't kids anymore Colonel and I don't want what we have to turn into some late winter companionship between senior citizens. Marriage – fidelity – hell even just saying the words out loud has a way of zapping the life out of a relationship."

"I understand."

"So what do I do?"

"Speaking freely," she waited for the nod even though this line of questioning more than implied it. "Admiral I have never thought of you as a senior citizen and I'm sure Meredith doesn't either," she leaned back in her chair. "Candidly sir, I think you are in a very unique position this time to do it right. You are both very vital people and don't have the complications of youth or career goals in your way. You can now focus on the things that are important to you – the both of you."

"You have a point there, colonel."

"I think this is just a little cold feet, sir."

"You are probably right. Thank you Colonel. I knew I could count on you to shed a different light on the matter," he sighed and stood up but paused on his way out the door. "Mac, what about you?"

"Me sir?"

"I couldn't help but notice that Brumby was back."

"Yes sir," she nodded and looked out into the bullpen wondering who was gossiping about what. "That ship has sailed sir."

"Does he know that?"

"Yes, sir."

"And I understand Webb was here last night."

"Yes sir," she was frustrated that she had to say this out loud and more frustrated that her personal life was office scuttlebutt. "Clayton has taken a very long, very dangerous mission in the Middle East. We won't be hearing from him for quite awhile."

"You are Ok with that?"

She paused because there were so many things wrong with his question, but she chose not to call him on any of them. "Yes, sir."

"Good," he looked over at Harm's empty office. It was hard for the admiral not to show his preference. "Anyone else?"

She followed his eye and shook her head. "No sir. Of course I am not looking."

"In my experience Mac, you don't look for it, it finds you. And sometimes – when it finally finds you - it feels like it has been tracking you for miles and it leads you right into a trap."

"Yes sir."

"And when you are backed into a corner with only one way to turn – that is when you do stupid things and ruin it."

"Ruin it, sir?"

"Take this from an old man, Mac. Don't let complications or career goals keep you from enjoying what youth has to offer. I consider myself very lucky to have found Meredith, but there is no guarantee that any of us will meet the right person at the right time. In fact it is pretty much a given that the right person will come along at the exact wrong time."

She smiled at the truth of that statement.

"Thank you colonel." Mac nodded and the admiral left.

The right person at the exact wrong time? How about the wrong person at the right time? Or the wrong person at all the wrong times? She had spent the eighteen hours trying to figure out what it was about Harm that kept her coming back for more. Was it his smile, the glint in his eyes when he thought he knew more than the rest of the world or was it just the fact that he was sexy as hell? Was he the kind of guy you bed once, twice, maybe three times and toss on the side of the road because there was no substance? No, Harm had substance – but did he have it for her? Did he think of her as just a woman to have a torrid affair with? Maybe that is why he had never acted on it before – can't have a torrid affair with a woman you are going to see across a courtroom every day – particularly when the affair was over. Or did he look at her as a woman to pick out a Minivan with? The minivan woman defines the word procrastination because – well – who rushes into a minivan? Who gets hot and bothered about a minivan? Was he an affair or a minivan to her? It didn't matter anymore. Like most women, she wanted both. Could it still happen? Did she want it to?

It didn't matter anymore what Harm thought of her – at least not as it pertained to the thoughts she was having. The fact of the matter was that that scene on Friday night awoke something in her that she could no longer keep quiet. Until she could get past that – there was no point in thinking about anything else. It threw her into her own tailspin – all her intellectual, rational, common sense arguments that kept her safe for the last seven years were now all moot. She had been fantasizing about him for the past week. What it would be like, how it would fill her desire, what he would do and how she would react – it played in her head and she could no longer control it.

She shook herself hard. She needed to get a handle on it before he got back. She needed to get a handle on it period.

"Excuse me Ma'am." Bud voice brought her back again to the real world.

"Yes Bud?"

"Lt. Commander Brian Sanger is here."

"Sanger?"

"The sexual harassment case?"

"Oh yes, please send him in."

This ought to take her mind off of Harm – a sexual harassment case between a pilot and her RIO. Sure nothing that would make her think of him in any of that.

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X **

Harm did not get the jump on the day that he wanted to. He had decided not to close up the house; he found a caretaker to live there. The Hopkins had a granddaughter and Harm needed to wait to interview her. It was all going to work out fine, but it took all day. He came up the stairs with the cat under his arm – she would not leave his side – to find a woman standing in his hallway.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

Kate Pike turned to greet him with her characteristic grin. "Harmon Rabb." The cat hissed. "Never thought of you as a cat person."

"As I live and breathe, Commander Caitlin Pike. What are you doing in my hallway?"

"Looking for some paper to leave you a note."

He opened the door. "Well come on in, I have some right on the desk," he grinned.

She followed him in and closed the door behind her. Harm placed the cat on the couch but she jumped down and started investigating the house.

"A cat, Rabb?"

"Only female I can get into my bed these days," he grinned offering her a beer, which she took.

"I'll bet there are plenty of females willing to curl up with you," she smiled a sly grin. "Some of them closer than you think," she took a sip from her beer.

"Maybe, but the cat scratches less," he smiled. "So what are you doing here?"

She got serious. "I came to offer my condolences for Sarah."

"Thank you."

"She was a great woman, Harm."

"I forgot you had met her," he nodded. "Yeah, you were the last woman I took up there."

"And for good reason. She didn't like me much. Thought I was a bad influence on you."

"Only that you would lead me down that path of sin and temptation."

"You had her fooled, huh? It was you that was leading me."

"I?" He pulled an innocent look from somewhere in his youth. "Pure as the driven snow until I met you," he took her into a hug. "It is good to see you Kate."

"And to be seen."

He let her go and directed them over to the living room. "So you didn't come 8000 miles to offer your condolences."

"I am defending Velma Keelson in the sexual harassment case you felt the need to prosecute."

"I am off that case at the moment, and you are going to have a tough time."

"So who is prosecuting?"

"Mac, I think."

"So how goes it with Mac?" She smiled. "You figured out that you are in love with her yet?"

"Kate," she shook his head.

"Don't 'Kate' me Rabb. I know you and I know that look. So what are you going to do about it?"

"Not sure there is anything to do. Remember Mic? Well he is back in town."

"So – you stopped it before."

"How do you know?"

"I keep tabs on you. Paying attention to the dramas in your life are more entertaining than the dreck they put on TV."

"And then there is this other guy."

"Harm – please – you are not trying to tell me that you would be so noble as to step out of the way for another man?"

"Don't I always?"

"Then who is the real fool?"

"Look, Mac and I have other issues besides the other men in her life."

"So she is one of those female you can't seem to get her into your bed?" Kate grinned.

Harm shook his head at her brazenness. "Waiting for you to come back into my life."

"Get over yourself Harm. You couldn't handle me for more than a weekend. You are too – too – too much of a boy scout."

"I earned my Pike merit badge."

"I'll say."

"I do miss you Kate."

"Nah, you are not for me Harm. You need someone like Mac. Someone to keep you on the straight and narrow. Pull you off the edge of that envelope."

"How well do you know Mac anyway?"

"I know her better than you think I do. Or at least her style," she smiled at him sadly. "You are not meant to be alone, Rabb. You are meant to have a wife and kids and a dog – or a cat I guess. You can have that with Mac – she'll challenge you, god knows she sexy --."

"Sexy … this is you calling another woman sexy?"

"I got eyes, Rabb. I can see. I know what men like … I know what you need. You need her. She'll still give you all that Middle America stuff that you both crave. She is the right one for you. If you'll both just wise up."

"Not sure I would agree with that. But there is something between us. Not sure there is any future to it. But it sure makes the present interesting – and frustrating and confusing," he looked at her for a moment. "What about you?"

"Lone wolf. Always was and always will be."

"I don't think so. I think you have convinced yourself that you are, but there is the right guy waiting for you."

He leaned over and kissed her – a friendly kiss. The cat jumped in his lap, cried loudly and hissed again at Kate.

"Don't tell me this is your grandmother's cat," she said.

Harm just smiled.


	7. Thursday

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Seven

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.

Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9

Written: September 2003

**THURSDAY - 0537 EST**

**MacKenzie Residence**

"Missus MacKenzie. Missus MacKenzie, wake up. Something has happened. Missus MacKenzie." The voice of the manager of the parking lot accompanied by the pounding met her as she exited the shower. She quickly put some clothes on and answered her door.

"What has happened?" she was annoyed.

"Missus MacKenzie, your car – the pretty red one --- she has been stolen."

"What?"

"Yes Missus - Harold – he fell asleep. Your car. She is gone."

"My car was stolen?"

He smiled nervously, "Don't worry Missus – we call you a taxi."

**0818 EST**

**MacKenzie Residence - Hallway**

The two officers who had come to take the stolen vehicle report were met by a detective from the warrant division on their way out.

"Joe, what are you doing here?" Officer #1 asked the detective.

"MacKenzie? Sarah J? Colonel in the marines."

"Yeah, we just left her. Upstairs. Second on the left."

"Nut-job neighbor says she's been stalking him."

"She didn't seem the type."

"Probably isn't, but you know how progressive judges are trying to be these days. Anytime a man brings a complaint against a woman it has to be dealt with or people will start screaming reverse discrimination,"

"Have you seen this babe?" Joe shook his head. "Total fox – give or take the uniform – man if she were stalking me I'd have no complaints."

"How do you prove stalking on someone who lives in the same building?"

"Good point … don't think the judge took that into account," he shrugged. "Babe or not – she is gonna have to talk to the judge."

"She isn't gonna like that."

"So what are you here for?"

"Her car was stolen."

"Guess it's not her day." The officers shook hands and each went their own way.

0949 EST

**Dunkin Donuts **

**Georgetown**

Colonel Mac MacKenzie covered with hot chocolate, powered sugar and jelly fumbled through her brief case for some change for the phone; she had no idea where her cell phone was. She had run into Dunkin' Donuts to use the payphone to call work and tell them she was going to be later than she expected for court because the taxi she was taking to work broke down and was RUN INTO by some kid on his way out – and now she was going to be even later. Mac had to plug her other ear when talking with Tiner since the kid was wailing at the top of his lungs about his spilled drink and donut. The mother was reading the riot act to Mac.

"You need to watch where you are going. You people in the military think you can just run right over the rest of us. Don't you know that I support our troops? I send care packages. I write letters. I have a flag on my car and I put a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree – and look … you just run over kid and don't even apologize. What kind of example is that supposed to set for …"

**1016 EST**

**Markison Dry Cleaners**

"Nothing under the name MacKenzie. Could it be under your husband's name?"

"I don't have a husband."

"Want one?" He eyed her suggestively.

"Look. This is the third order you have lost of mine in the past two weeks."

"I am surprised you came back a second time."

"FIND MY UNIFORM," she demanded.

"Our records show you picked up an order last night. What happened to those?"

"They were in the trunk of my car – LOOK it doesn't matter where they are. What matters is that you have at least two - possibly five blouses of mine and I need one – just ONE."

"What is wrong with the one you have on?" Mac looked down at the chocolate, jelly and sugar mess. "We can clean that, but can't guarantee that we can get the jelly out."

**1106 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, VA**

Mac threw some money at the cab driver and started for the stairs. She was still going to be late for the 1130 court time that had been delayed for her. Meredith met her on the stairs.

"Mac."

"I'm sorry I am late, Meredith," she said breathlessly. "Can I call you later?"

"No, no you can't. I will thank you to keep your advice to yourself from now on."

"Excuse me?"

"AJ called off the wedding," she fumed. "Says after the conversation he had with you he doesn't want to make a mistake."

"Meredith – I-."

"Just stay out of my business Mac."

"Meredith."

"Just because you can't catch and keep a man, doesn't mean that everyone else needs to suffer."

"Meredith I'm sorry - ."

"I don't want to hear sorry," she put up her hand. "And I called you a friend."

Meredith stormed off.

**1128 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Outside the Courtroom**

Mac arrived finally but was not expecting to see Caitlin Pike.

"Mac?"

"Kate?"

"Good to see you."

"I didn't know you would be defending."

"It is in the file."

"I must have – doesn't matter. May I speak to you?" Mac pulled her off to the side. "I am going to dismiss all charges. I don't know what Harm saw in this case, but I find nothing that is prosecutable."

Kate smiled and rubbed at the cat scratch on the back of her hand. "Have you discussed this with Harm?"

"He is having a family emergency and is out of -."

"He got home last night. We had breakfast this morning," she said knowing that she would get Mac's goat. But Mac didn't have time to let her comments register. The bailiff came out.

"Colonel MacKenzie? You are here. Good. We have been waiting for you. The judge is ready to begin."

They all filed into the courtroom. Harm was in the back, Mac didn't notice. He was there to watch her work, and then he was going to talk to her and make her listen. The wait for 'eternity' was over.

The judge came in and made her opening comments. "Colonel MacKenzie – I trust we are ready to proceed without further interruption?"

"You honor – I beg for the courts apology, but after careful review I feel that the charges again Commander Keelson should be dropped."

"I OBJECT." Harm's voice filled the room. In a split second his attitude changed. He was LIVID.

"Commander Rabb." The judge directed her attention to him – as everyone else did. "Is this your case or Colonel MacKenzie's?"

"By your leave your honor, this was my case. However I had a family emergency and I have been out all week. May I ask the court's indulgence to confer with counsel?"

"What the hell – it is almost lunchtime anyway. Court stands in recess until 1330. No more delays Colonel, Commander."

"No ma'am." They echoed.

Everyone else filed out of the courtroom. Harm had to give Kate a forceful nod to get her to leave. When everyone had left Harm lit into Mac.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, COLONEL?"

"Keep your voice down."

"You were going to dismiss this case?"

"This is not a case Harm. This is lover's spat."

"Of course you would see it that way."

"Sanger is in love with Keelson, she didn't return his affections and so here we are."

"She more than returned them Colonel, she used them to her advantage and his disadvantage."

"They are not going to use this office and the UCMJ to resolve their personal differences – I won't allow it."

"You won't?" he scoffed. "These are professional people Mac. People with careers to think of. Do you honestly believe that Sanger would make this complaint because of some stupid lovers spat?"

"Love makes people do stupid things."

"Did you interview Sanger? Keelson? Did you ask any questions? Did you read their files?"

"Are you accusing me of not doing my job?"

"You didn't do it – how is that an accusation – it's a fact."

"Not in evidence, counselor. There is NO CASE, Harm."

"Just because he is in love with her, doesn't mean that she is not harassing him. That fact that he does love her means that she can get away with more."

"You have no evidence Harm. When prosecuting a case they usually like to see some evidence."

"Did you read my notes? Did you see my witness list? Did you bother to look at any of the prep work I did on this case – or did you just take it into your own head to let another ball busting woman off Scott free."

"There were no notes," she pushed the file at him. "No witness list. Nothing. I reviewed both their files and interviewed both Sanger and Keelson. There is no case Harm."

He flipped through the file. "My notes are gone. The list is gone," he shook his head. "This is not the first instance of this Mac. I had a list of witnesses that were going to come forward to give their stories."

"Who?"

"Three other RIOs, a flight deck commander, two pilots and the CAG."

"You are telling me she harassed all of them?"

"To get where she is today – hell yes – and there is probably a dozen more."

"How do you know?"

"I flew with her Mac. I have first hand experience."

"Now you are telling me she harassed you? You can't use your position at JAG to push your own agenda. You know that. If you have an axe to grind --."

"She didn't get a chance with me – she would have – but she came aboard three weeks before my crash."

"None of this was in the file."

"You should have called me," he flips through the file again. "Why didn't you call me?"

She was stumped. "Call you?"

"Yes – call me. Do you honestly think I would file charges if I did not have a case? Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't – I just didn't," she was embarrassed to say why she didn't call him.

"This is important Mac. Why didn't you call me?"

"What do you want me to say? I didn't."

"I want to know why," he pushed.

"I didn't. I didn't think – I didn't want to - ."

"If what is wrong between us is so big that we can't work together then we have a bigger problem than I thought. This one you can't avoid. We are going to have to deal with this."

"I avoid? Says the master avoider of all time."

"No Mac, not this time. You ran this time and now you are bringing it to work. We can't have this. We can't work like this."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying that if you can't talk to me professionally then you ought to think about transferring."

"ME!"

"Yes you," he threw his hands up. "I am asking the admiral to take you off this case and then I am going to go as the judge for a continuance so I can get my witnesses here."

"Harm."

"You need to think about whether or not you can be professional – your career is on the line now Colonel," he stormed out.

Mac slumped down into the chair. If a train charged through the room at that moment and ran her over she would not have been surprised. She probably would have made sure to stand in front of it.

"Colonel." Came the voice of the new Petty Officer on staff. "I am sorry to bother you, but there is a man on the phone who says he is your super … anyway, says you need to get home right away … something about the water main braking in your apartment."

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

**2035 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, VA**

Harm was working in is office late. He had not seen Mac the rest of the day. After his meeting with the admiral, she was called in and was behind closed doors with him for about thirty minutes and then she left. He did not ask why or where. He didn't care. He was livid and it was going to take sometime before he would get peeled off the ceiling. Of the witnesses he had, only two could make it, two others would do a deposition and the others including the CAG said that they would not go on record.

"You don't have a case, Harm." Kate said from his doorway.

"Kate you and I both know that this woman is a black widow. She sucks the life out of the men caught in her web."

"What article are you going to charge her with – the life sucking spider article? Is that a new one?"

"You know what I mean."

"She is not a spider, Harm. She is a pilot and the fact that men tend to fall in love with her and act stupidly around her is not against the law."

"There ought to be."

"Look the men acted of their own free will. You cannot prove that she had any command influence nor did she influence their careers – maybe their career decisions but that is also not against the law."

"She influenced them alright."

"Look Harm you can't prosecute a woman because a bunch of men are being led around by their Johnsons saying that she made them do the wrong thing. They were all adults."

"Conduct unbecoming."

"You are reaching here Harm. There is no case. You should have let Mac dismiss it -- cause when you lose – and you will lose – who is going to look like the fool?"

"Mac didn't even read the notes I left."

Turner knocked and walked in. "Hey Harm, good evening Commander Pike," he smiled at Kate.

"Commander," she smiled back. "Sturgis, do you have dinner plans?" she asked coyly.

"Why – um – no," Turner stammered

Harm grinned. He loved to see Kate turn on the charm.

"Rabb here seems pretty caught up in this nonexistent case and I am alone in town. Would you like to join me for a great steak and lobster tail dinner? I know just the place."

"I would love to." Sturgis was wary of her, but still enjoyed the attention. "Harm, found these notes in the Jackson file. They don't belong," he handed a stack of papers to Harm who took them and shook his head.

"The notes for the Keelson case."

"There is no Keelson case, Harm. Come on Sturgis, let's let the magic man here figure out how to pull something out of his hat."

Kate linked her arm in Sturgis' and they left.

"No, I'm not hungry," Harm mumbled. "You don't have to invite me. Or bring anything back for me."

"Are you hungry sir?" Harriet asked. He didn't even know she was standing there.

"No, Harriet. Thanks."

"Bud and I are working on the Brandon case and should be here for a while. We were just about to order dinner."

"What is the Brandon case?"

"He sold just about anything that wasn't nailed down to anyone with money enough to pay – short of another country. He took the Navy for close to six million dollars over the last ten years. He will be going down for quite a while."

"Bud is prosecuting?"

"Yes sir. It is a pretty cut and dry case, but Bud doesn't want anything to slip him up," she shook her head. "Poor, Mac."

"Why poor Mac?"

"She is defending him and there is no way she can win. He was caught red handed; we have deposits, affidavits, video tapes, the works. She can't win. And after the week she had. Poor Mac."

"What about her week?"

"You know that Mic got married right?"

"Married?"

"Yes sir. On Monday. It is strange because when we rode with him to your grandmothers' funeral – I'm sorry sir, how are you doing?"

"I'm Ok. Thank you."

"Anyway he never said a word the whole drive up or back. He was talking non-stop about the colonel. I assumed that he was going to try to see if they could get back together. At least that is how it looked."

"To a lot of people Harriet, not just you," he shook his head. Mic must have been a real bastard to her to show up married after that show he put on. "Married, hmm."

"And Clayton Webb took an assignment in Kabul. He will be undercover for at least a year, probably two or three."

"Webb is gone?"

"Yes sir, left on Tuesday." Harm was surprised. "And you of course have been out all week so she has had more work than normal. I understand that – well it's none of my business."

"Thank you Harriet, your tact is impeccable. I'll say it if you won't: I was pretty mean to her today."

"Yes sir, if you say so sir. Then there is that thing with the admiral and Meredith."

"What thing?"

"The admiral called off the wedding and Meredith blames the colonel."

"Mac? What did she have to do with it?"

"I don't think she had anything to do with it, but Meredith thinks she did." Harriet continued. "And then her car got stolen this morning and she has to move out of her apartment since the water main broke. I think she lost most of her furniture and probably her clothes. And then that thing with the neighbor who has filed a complaint about her stalking him."

"What?"

"Yes sir. I think she is going to need a lawyer sir. A good one."

"Where is she now?"

"She is in Norfolk trying to find character witnesses for Brandon. She will be back tomorrow before the trial."

"Tough week."

"Yes sir," she smiled oddly. "Anyway we are ordering pizza if you would like to join us."

"Thank you, Harriet."

Harm shook his head. Poor Mac.


	8. Friday EOW

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Eight

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.

Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9

Written: September 2003

FRIDAY - 1836 EST

**JAG Headquarters**

Falls Church, VA

The judge entered and sat. The members, prosecution, defense and the gallery sat. The judge looked to the prosecution and the defense. She reviewed the gallery and the members' box. The president of the members was standing.

"Mr. President, have the members reached a verdict?"

"We have your honor." The note was passed to the judge and back. "Will the defendant and counsel please rise." Mac and the defendant rose. "Mr. President, please publish your findings."

"On the counts one, two, three, five, and six of Article 108 Sale of Military Property we find the defendant guilty." The defendant made a loud snorting noise and several women in the audience swooned. The president continued. "On counts four, seven and eight, we find the defendant not guilty,"

"Are the members ready to pass sentence?"

"Yes, ma'am. We find that the defendant, Chief Warrant Officer Victor Brandon, should be dishonorably discharged, all pay and allowances to be forfeited and he should be forthwith confined in Leavenworth for a period not less than 25 years." There were audible weeps from the gallery.

Mac forced her head not to drop. She did not hear the judge thank and dismiss the members and close the case. All she heard was the cries of the petty officer's mother, wife and sisters being escorted from the room. She heard the client threaten to bring her up on dereliction of duty charges and felt the full weight of his vehemence using language that no self-respecting Petty Officer would use when speaking to a superior officer indeed no gentleman would use toward a lady … in fact no human should use toward his fellow man or woman. The bailiff had to restrain him

She stood motionless until the room had cleared. She then folded into her chair and heaved a heavy sigh. It had been on hell of a week, and she needed to get away from the whole stinking mess. She gathered up her notes with renewed vigor as she attempted to secure a plan – nothing came. Her frustration, her bitterness, her sense of injustice at the events of the week were building up in her. She had one more item to take care of before she secured for the week – but she was going to blow it off. She slammed out of the courtroom and blew by the elevators. She was headed for the stairs.

"Mac?" Harm called to her.

She ignored him and ran down the stairs. Nothing was going to stand in her way of getting as far away from everything that she knew as she could get – the faster the better.

Harm called to her down the stairwell.

She made no response.

She got to the parking lot – she needed to drive – to get away. She had no vehicle. She had turned in the one she had borrowed to go to Norfolk because the brakes were so bad she nearly rear-ended a semi. She thought about calling a cab but it wasn't going to be fast enough. She started walking … power walking.

By the time Harm caught up with her, she was nearly a mile away.

"MAC," he ran up behind her.

"Harm --- I am in no mood," she told him flatly.

"Been a tough week for you, eh Colonel?"

"An understatement, Commander."

"Mac, would you just wait," he kept pace with her.

She stopped dead in her tracks, Harm had to come back a few steps when he realized she was no longer with him.

"I am serious Harm … I can't do this right now … I can't take one more scolding … one more lecture …one more person telling me what a jerk I am."

"Mac … I wasn't --."

"I have nothing left to give … I have nothing left to be taken from me … whatever evils I have done … I have paid dearly for them this week."

"Mac … I .. uh …"

"Look … fine … I get it … OK?" She railed at him. "I'm sorry … OK?" She wasn't. "I'm sorry I'm not a good enough lawyer to get a guy off who was guilty as sin … Daniel Webster wouldn't have been able to get this guy off."

"He's lucky he didn't get the firing squad."

She ignored him. "I'm sorry that my investigative skills didn't uncover a sexual harassment case in a simple lovers spat."

"I dismissed the charges," Harm announced to deaf ears.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't care about Webb the way he wanted me to so he had to leave the country … probably going to get himself killed and that will be my fault too."

"Mac … stop."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't reason with the admiral's cold feet and convince him to go through with the wedding … OK? … I'm sorry … I didn't think the stakes were that high … He loves her … and when he left my office the wedding was back on."

"It is."

"I'm sorry I didn't love Mic enough to go through with the wedding … WAIT … No I am not sorry about that … he showed his true colors … and I am glad to be rid of him," she nodded like she had found some minor point of victory.

"Mac," he wondered how long he should let her rant go on.

"And yes … I am sorry for every screw up, mix up, misunderstanding, miscommunication and misdirection with you," she held up her hand. "I am sorry that I needed to hear words from you … that actions weren't enough … I am sorry that I couldn't throw caution, my career and a friendship to the wind on an assumption that you MIGHT feel something more … I am sorry that I went with every man that asked while you didn't, wouldn't, couldn't or were waiting for the absolute right moment … I am sorry that Mic was there to pick up the pieces of my broken ego when you refused me in Sydney and I am even sorry that I ran away when you walked away from me to finish with Renee … I'm sorry that your saving my life in Paraguay confused the hell out of me to the point that I didn't thank you for the sacrifices you made and the risks that you took," she looked at him quickly. "THANK YOU."

"Mac."

"I am sorry I make excuses for you … I am sorry that I need the excuses to keep me sane," she looked at him directly. "I am sorry that I can't, won't or just didn't talk to you about my feelings for you at any point in the last week, year or near decade because I was afraid … afraid that you would feel less for me … want less … give less. I am sorry that I can't reconcile appropriately how I am supposed to feel about a man who doesn't feel the same about me."

He shook his head.

"I am sorry I am such a chicken shit," she finally looked like she was going to stop talking.

"Feel better?" He smiled.

"Not really … I really needed to hit something … something hard … something immovable."

"Hit me," he stated simply. "As far as … you and I are concerned … I'm as immovable as the Rock of Gibraltar."

She smiled. "I don't want to hit you, Harm."

He smiled back. "Good … you have a hell of a right cross."

She sank back onto the grass by the side of the road. "What a long strange week it's been."

He sat down next to her. "You said it."

"I suppose you heard about my car."

"I did. I called the police and they think they might have a lead."

"You did?" She was touched that he cared enough to call. "Should I call them?"

"They know where to find you." He leaned back onto the grass ignoring what might happen to his summer whites. "The cleaners just dropped off a bunch of stuff for you too. Looks like uniforms."

"Well at least I don't have to replace them," she was trying really hard to add stuff to her PLUS column.

"I also over heard the Petty Officer talking to you landlord. Looks like it will be a least a month before you can get back into your apartment."

"Great," she shook her head.

"And I heard that you were going to need a lawyer and I'm here to offer my legal services."

"Is that a joke?"

"Not a very funny one apparently," he waited for her to say something about it but she didn't so he forged on. "So what is this all about?"

"It is nothing. I saw the judge this morning. The whole thing was a mistake that got way out of control. The judge apologized."

"What judge would issue a bench warrant like that? Stalking for God sake. You live in the same building. It's absurd."

"A new one – one that is overloaded and understaffed. She didn't even notice the addresses."

"That is no excuse."

"The guy is a little off - I think he is a schizophrenic. Two months ago he filed a civil suit against Mrs. Janus for disturbing the peace. She is eighty-five, deaf as a post and talks loudly. He must be off his meds again. He is really not a bad guy he is just a little too paranoid. He is very intelligent and you would never know if you didn't KNOW."

"Mac you need to do something about that."

"It's over. It doesn't matter. It was dismissed and he was taken to the hospital," she shook her head. "I would have had this all taken care of yesterday but so much happened at once I couldn't pick just one thing deal with."

"You have had one hell of a week."

"Thank God it's Friday."

"Harriet told me about Brumby, are you OK?"

"I am."

"He played you a little bit this time, didn't he?"

"It's not important, Harm. It's over now."

"And Webb?"

"Webb does what he always does – he takes care of himself first. He wouldn't have gone if it were not the best thing for him. I just hope he knows how to keep his head down."

"He'll be fine – as you said – he takes care of himself," he added. "You are not to blame for his choice."

She nodded thinking that he did the best he could to take care of her during their time in Paraguay (something she would not bring up to Harm considering his role in that mess) but she didn't need to take responsibility for the rest of his life because of that.

"I saw the Admiral on the way out … in case you didn't hear me … the wedding is back on," he took a beat. "You and Meredith are going to be OK?"

"Fine," she said easily. "She needed to take it out on someone and I was an easy target."

"Like you have been for a lot of people recently."

She smirked. "It has been a week for that," she stretched her neck to get some of the kinks out.

"So you are just going to try to forget the last four – five – seven days?"

"Most of it. Most of it will take care of itself – I hope," she stood up. "One thing that you haven't mentioned – the worse thing that happened all week – something that won't take care of itself - is that I lost my best friend."

"If you are referring to me – you haven't lost anyone."

"I'm sorry … I mean sincerely sorry that I didn't call you," she shook her head. "I really don't know why I didn't but I don't think it was for the reasons you thought."

"I had no right saying or even implying the things I did. I'm sorry," he smiled.

"I'm sorry I didn't make time to talk to you - before," her sincerity this time was real.

"Yeah," he swallowed hard and nodded the comment away. "So, Colonel, what are you going to do now?" he asked.

"Go to Disneyland." They both laughed. "I think I would like to crawl under a rock – but I may just settle for a blanket."

"Why don't you let me take you out to dinner?" he was very gentle.

"I am not sure I could face another person – just another opportunity to piss someone else off."

"Ok – how about I take you to my apartment and cook you dinner. We'll turn off the phones, lock the door and turn the music up."

"Your apartment?"

"No one would think to look for you there," he suggested.

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You aren't asking, I am offering – and if you answer yes now, you might just get a back rub in the bargain," he smiled.

She sighed at the thought of a back rub. It would be so nice to have strong hands work the knots out of her. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"I am always nice to you," he smirked. "Well usually, can't a guy be nice without there being some ulterior motive?"

"Not usually – not to me."

"You've had a tough week, you could use a little TLC and – well – cause I love you, Mac." The 'I love you' was said very casually – like it was on the side, not a big deal, like you would tell your sister or your friend that you loved her. She took it in that spirit and read nothing more into it.

"Don't we have to talk – I mean shouldn't we --."

"No," he shook his head. "We don't have to talk about anything – not tonight. In fact I think we ought to table any agenda items for at least twelve to eighteen hours," he smiled. "Had a strained week myself."

She paused to look at him. "How are you?" she asked. She had been worried about him but was afraid to ask.

"I'm OK. Been pretty self absorbed for a while and it is now time to think about someone other than me."

"And you chose me?"

"My first choice," he smiled. "Come on – let me take you home and feed you, you'll feel better," he reached out his hand to her. She took it reluctantly. The sensation for each was sheer comfort. Slowly they both rose.

Mac had to let go of his hand to collect all her stuff. He most of the items from her.

"Mac?" He said softly and gently. She turned to look at him. "There is just this one thing." Because his voice was so full of care she was not afraid about anything he was about to say.

"Just one?"

He smiled. "For tonight," he stepped closer to her, put a gentle hand on her face and pulled her to him for a kiss. It was not a sympathetic kiss. It was not a friend who wants to give another friend some support. It was also not a down and dirty kiss meant to be the prelude to something wild and crazy. It was a full on loving kiss. It was not meant to be anything more and it was not received as if it were more. It was just a kiss, but it lasted longer than most 'just a kiss' kisses last. It ultimately involved more bodily contact than most 'just a kiss' kisses do and it took both their breath away. But in the end – it was just a kiss.

He pulled back totally satisfied and pleased with himself that he was able to act on that desire without feeling the need to hide from it, ignore it or justify it either before or after. Of course then there was brief panic moment, when he considered that maybe Mac was not at the same point.

"OK?"

"Very OK," she smiled slightly.

"Nothing to say?"

"Looking for me to give you an excuse?" she grinned.

He laughed. "I can be very arrogant at times."

"Part of your charm."

"So?"

"So nothing – do you have something to say?"

"I wanted to, so I did."

"Good," she nodded.

"Yes it was."

"What's for dinner?"

"Sea Bass."

"You knew I would accept?"

"I hoped you might."

"Harm?"

"Yes."

"Does the 'wanting' and the 'doing' work in both directions?"

"I think it should."

"Good," she touched his face for a moment and they headed back to JAG to get his car.

X X X X X X X X X

Harm was true to his word. He took Mac to his apartment. Let her take a long hot shower to wash away the week. He gave her some sweats. There was some good-hearted banter about her being caught dead in Navy sweats, but nothing really serious. The phones were turned off. The music was turned up and the doors were locked. They talked about almost nothing of import.

"Where did you get the cat?" Mac asked as Eternity jumped in her lap and curled up. "Her name is Eternity?" She resisted saying 'the wait must be over.'

"My grandmother." Harm watched for a moment as the cat settled herself. "She likes you. I was beginning to think she only liked men."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Kate stopped by the other night – the cat didn't like her at all."

"Probably recognized her own kind invading her territory."

Harm smiled.

"So how was it seeing Kate again?"

"Fine," he shrugged.

"Fine?" she queried. "How was breakfast?"

"Are you asking if she spent the night?"

"I wasn't." Mac looked away. "Did she?"

"She didn't." It was hard for Harm to hide his delight that Mac cared enough to ask.

"OK."

He made a wonderful dinner and gave her a very complete shoulder rub – they both felt that a back rub was a little too – leading. Shortly after it was difficult for Mac to keep her eyes open. Harm picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and nestled her in his bed.

In a very sleepy state she mumbled. "I'm going to need to go home … to the hotel … can't remember the name," she stretched. "Can you call me a cab?" she yawned. "I'm just going to take a little nap while I wait."

She was out. Harm was pleased to know that she could relax so much with him. Normally she would be so self-conscious – particularly in his bedroom - that he couldn't get her to sit still. She was asleep in his bed. He pulled the covers up over her and tucked her in well. She looked like such a different person when she slept. No walls, no agendas, no fears or defenses of any kind. She was just Sarah. He lay down on the bed next to her – on top of the covers – and cradled her as she slept. Soon he was a sleep too.


	9. Saturday A New Beginning

Title: What A Long Strange Week It Has Been

Chapter/Day Nine

By: Liz D

Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.

Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9

Written: September 2003

A New Week Is Dawning

Saturday

Harm woke alone in bed still fully dressed. He took him a moment to realize why. Then he remembered - Mac. He had slept holding her all night long. He woke occasionally and was surprised and flattered to find, every time he woke, that Mac had not moved. She looked very content where she was. He was also surprised to find the cat stretched out between them – looking pretty pleased with her self: their self appointed chaperone.

Mac's voice softly drifted in from the living room. He dragged himself out of bed. She was at his desk, cat in her lap, coffee steaming in a mug next to her, talking on the phone. The whole scene looked very natural, normal, right. He watched her unnoticed for a moment.

"No, really. - - - It's OK. - - - I understand. - - - I have been there myself. - - - Apology accepted. I am just glad you two have worked it out. - - - Yes, I know. Talking is always a good way to start." Mac laughed. "Exactly - - - as long as it is just a start," she looked over at Harm, smiled and nodded to the coffee pot. "Meredith, that is more information than I really want to have about my commanding officer," she laughed again. "We'll talk soon. - - - No, not today. - - - OK. Bye-bye," she hung up.

"You and Meredith speaking again?" he asked.

"They set a date."

"Good for them," he stretched and poured himself a cup. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby. You?"

"Very well considering there were two females taking up most of the bed," he smirked.

"This cat is amazing. I never knew that a cat could purr so much. Or eat – she needs some more food. I fed her the left over bass."

"You what?"

"She's a cat Harm. She can't live on tofu and meatless meatloaf."

He smirked at her.

"I got another piece of good news this morning. They found my car."

"Great – where?"

"In South Carolina – in a ditch. But they are saying that the damage doesn't look too bad. I guess it was just a joy ride."

"Should we go pick it up?"

"They are towing it to a mechanic and I should know in an hour or so if it is drivable."

"Are you hungry – do you need some breakfast?"

"I'm Ok with coffee," she eased the cat off her lap, got up and placed her gently on the chair. She turned her attention back to Harm. He was leaning against the counter as she took a seat at the island. The cat of course immediately jumped off the chair to join them in the kitchen. "Thank you for last night."

"Just a little dinner."

"It wasn't. You took care of me and gave me a safe place to be – no questions asked. You have to know how much that means to me or else you wouldn't have done it."

"I am glad I was able to," he looked a little uncomfortable. He sometimes didn't take compliments too well. "I am glad that you let me."

"Harm, I need you to know that I don't expect you to take care of me," she cleared her throat and corrected herself quickly. "What I mean is that I am not looking for someone to take care of me 24/7."

"I know," he looked down. "But every now and then everyone needs a little taking care of."

"They do," she took a deep breath. "Do you know what I have recently accepted? Well – at least I am trying to accept. Last night was a first – I must say."

He nodded for her to continue,

"That part of generosity is allowing someone to give back kindness in turn."

"It's a concept."

"It's hard for me to buy into that," she owned

He shrugged.

"You too?"

"Yeah, me too," he admitted.

"Why is that – do you think?"

"Why is it hard to accept something from someone else? To put yourself in someone else's hands? To trust that the person won't let you down? That their actions are true? That their words are to be believed? To let yourself become defenseless and vulnerable?" He grinned. "Gee – I can't imagine."

She took a moment. "It comes down to trust." Mac's cell phone rang. "I'm sorry I need to take this."

He waved for her to do what she had to do. Harm refilled his cup and sat down in the living room in his chair. The cat was immediately in his lap demanding attention. Mac got off the phone quickly.

"It is drivable but they would prefer I not pick it up until tomorrow. Guess they still need to do some finger printing – whatever."

"Do you want me to drive you down there?"

"Let's get back to what we were talking about." The fact that she avoided the question was not lost on Harm. "We were talking about trust," her cell phone rang again. She turned it off. "I can say with complete resolve that the only person I trust 100% is me – and sometimes it's closer to 86%."

"You don't trust me?"

"In certain respects. I trust that you will move heaven and earth to help me or save my life; without a doubt. But when it comes to matters of the heart – well that is a whole other issue. Do I trust that you won't break mine? I am not sure I could say that about anyone."

"You were going to marry Brumby – you must have trusted him."

"You know that is a very complicated messy can of worms you just opened."

"I'm not going anywhere Mac," he stated simply as this were his plan all along. "For good or bad we should hash this out now – today – this weekend – as long as it takes."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I have no idea where or how it will end – I just know that I can't live like this anymore. We are going to put this – this – this thing we have between us to bed."

"Literally or figuratively?"

He snorted a laugh. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Should we start there?"

"Where?" he asked.

"Literally."

"Literally … as in 'to bed'?" he didn't think she would turn that table on him.

She laughed. "Not that literally … tell me … honestly … truthfully … you are attracted to me."

"Since the day I met you," he stated simply.

"Yet… Sydney?" She asked.

"You are not a roll in the hay Mac … not a one night stand and not a torrid affair destined to burn out quickly … not for me."

"So you said no …"

"Correction … I said 'not yet.'"

"And now?"

"Now I can't stop thinking about you," he also stated simply.

"Tell me what you want, Harm?"

"Honestly?"

She nodded.

"Honestly … I want you to tell me the same thing."

"I asked you first," she pressed.

He was serious. "Mac … your track record with men is not so great … I am no star either … but I am worried that you will say you want what I say I want just because I said it … so here it is …I love you … OK? … plain and simple words … right?… I love you … not as a friend. I want more … more from you, more for us."

She hated his assessment of her but the assertion of his love and desire for more seemed to please her. It was more definitive than he had ever been before, so that was a step in the right direction.

"I want to know … what do you want?"

She would try it his way. If it blew up in her face, so be it. She summoned up her courage in one deep cleansing breath and answered without thinking. "I want the one great love affair that will see me through all the days of my life … I want romance, passion and desire … I want love, respect and admiration … I want commitment, hard-work and compromise … I want the house, the dog and two point five children … I want soccer practice, college tuition and grandchildren … and I want to be holding the hand of my partner in this life when I leave this world having those years behind us with the knowledge that we were the one great love affair that eludes most people."

He laughed. "Is that all … something to drink? Bag of Chips to go with that?"

She shrugged, "you asked."

"I can see why it might be hard to –"

"Oh I don't believe I am going to get that … hell I am not convinced I will get any part of that … nor do I believe I deserve it."

"Stop," he scolded. "You deserve everything you want and are willing to work for in life."

She nodded weakly.

He got serious again. "So … you want that with just anyone … or do you have someone in mind."

She came close to him and took his hand. "Honest to God, Harm … I never wanted any of that … and for the last seven years I have been convincing myself that I could live without it."

"What changed?"

She exhaled slowly. "You came into my life."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Me?" he asked again. "What did I do?"

"I can't say for sure … sure as hell didn't promise me any of that … but … but," she looked away. "Maybe it is as simple as adding you to the list of things I want in life but can't have."

"I am no prize," he said in mock modesty.

"Please, Harm … humble doesn't work for you." She moved away to sit on the couch.

"What I am saying is," he leaned forward. "You can have me, if you want me … all you have to do is let me know."

She smiled weakly, "Or maybe you are a way to ensure that I won't get any of that."

"Hey," he barked. "You think I don't want or aren't capable of wanting a life and a wife and all that goes with that … what did you say, soccer, tuition, grandchildren?"

She shrugged again, "Your actions don't show that you are working toward that goal."

"Maybe I was waiting for the right woman … maybe I was waiting for the right woman to look in my general direction … maybe –"

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Mac … Sarah … Does the fact that I love you mean anything in all of this?"

"Yes," she said simply.

"So let's start there, shall we?"

She nodded.

"Do you love me too … do you think you could?"

"I could and I do."

"More than as a friend?"

"Harm," she laughed. "I stopped having friendly feelings for you about the time you left to go back to flying."

He shook his head, "wasted time."

"Well, Jordan was in the way."

"Not really … not so much," he shook his head. "This is old news … the past … history." He came over and sat down next to her on the couch. "Let's not waste any more."

She looked a little confused.

He leaned in and kissed her; without a word.

She pulled back, "Harm?"

"No," he kissed her again. "No more talking, no more confessing, no more bringing up the past. No more wasted time. I don't know if I am the man to give you all that you want … but I would like to try." He kissed her again.

"A good start," she wrapped her arms around him and pulled herself onto his lap. "So are we ready to put this thing between us to bed?" She smiled slyly.

"A better place to start," he lifted her up to carry her to the bedroom.

His phone rang.

His cell rang.

Her cell (which had been off) rang.

There was pounding on the door.

People were yelling up from the street.

"What in the hell …?" he started to put her down to find out what was going on.

"Don't," she turned his face back toward hers. "It's just the network trying to keep us from jumping the shark."

"Well that is up to them, isn't it?"

"Way too late in my mind … ignore them." She leaned up to meet his lips.

They disappeared into the bedroom and soon all was quiet again.

"I guess they gave up," he mumbled.

"Thank God," she sighed. "Now … how about we focus on OUR story with no interference."

"I like the sound of that," he agreed. "LIGHTS!!!!"

Ending Revised 3/24/09 ... hope it was fun


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